People talk about searching for their soulmate and twin flame. Or finding that one special person they are meant to be with, who is ultra compatible, and ultimately, “the one”.

I can see how it may be important for two particular people to come together. I like to believe that my partner and I have come together for a reason far greater than ourselves. But the idea that there is one perfect partner out there - someone I will never fight with, someone with whom I will experience nothing but bliss with - is where “the one” thinking goes wrong.

What would it mean to never take personally anything that your spouse says or does?

In my last two posts, I recommended one of my favorite books, "The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom" by Don Miguel Ruiz. There is no better place to practice the Four Agreements than in your love relationship.

When applied specifically to your spouse or partner, the four agreements would be:

1. Be impeccable with your word when speaking to or about your spouse or your relationship.
2. Don't take anything personally that your spouse says or does.
3. Make no assumptions about what your spouse is thinking, feeling, or intending.
4. Do your best in the relationship.

This post will focus on the second agreement. What would it mean to never take personally anything that your spouse says or does?

Ruiz writes that when you take something personally, you are implicitly agreeing with their position, giving them power over your inner state, and traping yourself in "the dream of...

All couples have their rough moments. Fights, missteps, and miscommunications will happen. Clearly is unrealistic for our relationships to be blissful 100 percent of the time. Yet, some relationships dip into the negative too often. This can leave both partners with ongoing stress which is not healthy or satisfying.

 John Gottman, PhD and author of “What Makes Love Last” has dedicated his career to research and working with couples. Gottman tells couples to aim for having a ratio of five positive moves to every one negative one.

The 5 to 1 ratio is not an arbitrary formula. Gottman came up with this ratio after spending years researching what leads to divorce and what leads to a long-lasting marriage. It turns out that couples who hit the 5 to 1 ratio are more likely to stay together happily, while those with more negativity are more likely to divorce.

When couples are moving toward distress there are several common negative moves that show up. If you are frustrated...

All couples fight from time to time

Yet, the way couples fight, and what they do after a fight, is important. 

Some couples have created a relationship that is a primary source of soothing and support. They turn to each other for comfort when having a rough day or feeling stressed. If they fight, they know how to repair their relationships afterward. They are also able to reflect on past struggles in an effort to learn and grow. 

For other couples, the relationship itself is a large source of stress. They fight often. Negavity dominates their interactions. When fighting, they are focused on winning or standing their ground instead of working together toward a mutual understanding. They do not know how to mend the relationship or reconnect after they fight. Eventually, they may avoid bringing up certain topics, or avoid each other, just because they want to avoid fighting. 

Most couples fall somewhere in between. But I can tell you that most couples could...

If you are facing challenges in your relationship, it would be logical that you would want to work on your relationship.

But what do you do if your spouse is not interested in working through the problems you are having in your marriage?

Maybe you have suggested couples counseling, but he does not want to go. Or perhaps you have tried talking about your concerns, but you end up in a fight, or he refuses to have the conversation.

Does it take both individuals working on the relationship to turn things around?

The ideal scenario is that both individuals will take the time to address the difficulties in the marriage. And that both individuals will work on improving the marriage. 

However, if your spouse is not willing to do this at the moment, there are many things you can do to start creating a more positive relationship. Keep reading to learn more. 

1. Stop blaming and start empathizing

When couples are unhappy in their marriage, it is very common to blame the other partner...

Many couples report wanting a better sex life. With children, careers, lack of sleep, endless household duties, financial pressures, and all of the other energy drainers that come with modern family life, sexual desire can begin to fade away. This is normal. But normal does not necessarily mean acceptable.

Problems arise when one wants it more or the other wants it less. And if you become complacent, your sex life is unlikely to change.

No more keeping score

Outside of role...

Attachment Theory is one of the foundational theories of psychology and human development.

It was developed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth in the mid-1900s and shaped the way we understand development, parenting, and relationships today.

When specific to the parent-child relationship, in short, the theory states that optimal development occurs when a child is emotionally bonded to his caregivers through receiving nurturing, responsive, reliable, and predictable care. It also states that children's attachment needs (for affection, touch, comfort) are just as critical to thriving as basic survival needs (food, water, shelter, rest).

Although the development of attachment theory was centered on the parent-child relationship, over the last decade, researchers have been studying how attachment applies to adult love relationships.

What we know about attachment and love relationships is this:

Attachment and bonding needs are lifelong. 

This means, that even though we may be...